I can accept a man getting Spider Powers from a radioactive spider that wears red spandex.

I can accept he can somehow generate infinite amounts of sticky webbing from his wrists and now through is backside like Spiders normally do even if it does violate comic continuity.

I can accept a man can build 4 massive near in-destructible mechanical arms that he controls/control him.

I can accept some of the questionable dialogue choices in the script.

I can accept in the first Spider-man movie the people of new york would attack the Green Goblin because he was endangering kids and come on, everyone likes kids.

But the one thing I just cannot accept is when a whole train car see’s the hero without his mask, not one single person tries to take a picture/cash in on the situation. Maybe I just have too little faith in modern society but I can’t accept that happening. Some complete cunt would take his picture and make it big so they can coast on through life on it even if Spidey just did just save their life, I mean we’re in the world where people sue other people over absolutely fucking anything.

It’s a pity, this one thing stops the movie from being a 5/5 to me.

In the Street

You know the feeling, you’re walking down the street with a song in your head and a spring in your step, not a care in the world. You see someone you know and as you walk towards them you say hi or hello or some other form of salutation. They respond with a similar form of salutation before asking “how are you.” You quickly respond with some form of “good” just to be polite and before you can return the question of “how are you” you’ve discovered at this point they are walking past you and still maintaining their current velocity and are about to be behind you, you realise you need to quickly kill the conversation before you turn it into something awkward.

This begs the question, why ask someone how they are or similar questions if you’re not intending to stop and actually continue the conversation with them. Are you supposed to have a light speed conversation speaking at speeds like those of Wally West or Pietro Maximoff (Flash and Quicksliver). Is it some kind of polite obligation to ask a question when you have no intention of hearing an answer because you’re in such a hurry because it comes across as rude more than anything. It’s puts me in a conundrum, do I give in to the politeness inside me and answer a question when you’re not really paying attention to and feel like an idiot once you’ve walked by without really giving shit…or do I just ignore you and walk away feeling like I’ve been rude and i should have said something out of politeness? Either way I walk away from the “conversation” with a negative feeling and it’s all your fault you twat.

In future just say Hi and leave it there, or add in “Great to see you” if you’re feeling adventurous. Don’t start something you can’t finish.

In Shops and General Customer Service 

My aunt sometimes tells me a story about how she went in to a local shop when she was having a bad day and the girl behind the counter asked her how she was. My aunt was such a bad form that she replied with “I feel horrible” and proceeded to go on a small mini rant about how bad her day was being, by the end the girl behind the counter was completely stunned, my aunt hadn’t been offensive or all, she didn’t respond with a generic good hearted response like is socially expected.

This begs the question, why are people in occupations that deal with customer expected to force such formalities when with customers. People that deal with clients/customers do this small talk bullshit nearly every single time as if they’re fufilling a script from the gospel

“How are you today”

“I’m good/great/pretty good/Other generic positive-esque emotion) thanks, how are you”

“(Insert remark about how close it is to the weekend)”

“Polite Laughter”

Then they get to the whole point they’re there after wasting 10-20 seconds on pleasantries that neither party actually gives a shit about. Then the customer leaves and the like the circle of life the conversation begins again. The employee asks a question with the intent of getting a generic answer with the customer in an effort to make them feel like care when in actual fact they don’t give a damn, they just have to try and make the customer pretend they care or they’re managers going to yell at them.

The customer is more than likely going to say some generic positive response because even if they are having a bad day and do feel bad why are they going to burden some person who they don’t even know or trust with this information. Not to mention the fact they probably have better places to be than this shop/other consumer outlet/phone call and they probably want to get on their way as soon as possible. The main exception is going to be when they’re talking to the employee about a problem, in which case any kind of small talk is more than likely going to be turned into an excuse to url insults at the employee. 

It’s another generic cycle of social obligations that quite frankly, isn’t needed and can be done without.

Facebook Small Talk

Because it isn’t one of my rants unless I start complaining about Facebook at one point. The previous two examples where instances of apparent social obligation causing utterly generic pointless small talk where it isn’t needed but on Facebook small talk has a different reason, because people are bored and will do anything to pass the time.

It always starts when someone starts a conversation with

“Whats Da Craic/What’s Up/How’s you”

You know what, how about you think about what you’re asking for a second. Do you honestly think if something “was up” or I had “any craic” I would be sitting here wasting my time on fucking facebook? I mean something was up with you would you be sitting alone at a computer screen wasting your time on facebook or would you be doing “What was up.” As for “How’s you” if there was something particularly note-worthy about how I was feeling and I wanted you to know about it odds are I would have made a status update it about it already, so otherwise, if I’m sitting on facebook chat odds are I’m bored and I’ve nothing to do.

Not only that but since you’re starting the conversation with such a generic question, that must mean you have nothing to actually talk about, so you’re clearly only starting a conversation because you’re bored and you’ve nothing better to do. Now really, surely you’ve better things to do than start a boring pointless conversation with me on facebook, I mean you could read a book, you could do an online learning course, go for a walk, stalk that girl/guy you like or even start a blog where you rant about all the things you hate in life, but no you decided to start a stupid pointless generic conversation with me for no reason. I mean you about how i am or what is up with me do you”

And now i’m put in an awkward situation, I can either humour you and take part in this pointless talk begrudgingly or I can ignore you and come across like the ignorant prick I am but don’t want people to know about, again it’s lose lose. 

The X-men series has been a series of up and downs, the first movie is a solid 3/5 comic book movie that spends so much time setting the scene that it forgets to tell a overly satisfying story within the constraints of it’s running time. X-Men 2 is an unbelievable improvement, a movie I’d give 5/5 too and rank amongst the finest Superhero movies (For the record I don’t classify the absolute masterpiece that is “The Dark Knight” as a superhero movie, I believe it transcends the genre) I’ve ever seen, heck it’s probably one of my most watched movies of all time and even Halle Berry can’t bring it down. The movie has the running time to give it’s massive cast a chance to breath and interact, contains an absolutely brilliant “coming out” scene and every character gets their chance to shine.

Then came X-men 3 (Or X-men: The Last Stand) and well..it was so bad that it led to the very first rant I ever wrote being written on Bebo (Remember Bebo?), something which I tried to dig up for this rant but I deleted my bebo when it became apparent that it was full of people pretending to be cooler than they were and the politics of “top friends” got too much for me….but back to the X-men franchise, what did the third movie do wrong?

Well things looked so promising leading up to it, the casting of Kelsey “Frasier” Grammar as Beast was pitch perfect casting, the promise of the casting of Juggernaut hinted that Charles Xavier’s back story could be hinted at and explored, there was even promise of a danger room sequence.

What did the movie do wrong? Well if we’re talking comic book guy complaints

·       Juggernaut is supposed to be Professor Xaviers brother, this wasn’t mentioned/eluded too

·       Juggernaut is not supposed to be a mutant, Leech’s power shouldn’t have worked on him

·       Juggernaut is supposed to be bigger

·       “The Phoenix” is an intergalactic force capable of destroying worlds, it IS NOT an alternate personality of Jean Grey

·       Colossus is supposed to be Russian

·       Pyslocke’s powers are wrong

·       The morlocks aren’t supposed to have tattoo’s

But that is all irrelevant, a movie can be a good movie and get the source material wrong (X-men First Class for example) so what did the movie do wrong a movie basis

Characters with no Character

All X-men movies since X3 began have been guilty of this but X3 was the one that started this absolutely disgusting habit of filling the cast with countless C and D list mutants that don’t get anything character development beyond one or two lines (usually a bad joke) and an fx shot. X2 was amazing because everyone got their chance to shine, here they just stuff the cast with C-listers just because their powers are needed on one single occasion to steer the plot where it needs to go for the purposes of the script they’ve written which is just lazy writing, like the scene in the movie where the army moves in on Magneto’s camp only to find that there’s only 1 guy (Jamie Madrox) there who made enough doubles of himself to make it look like everyone was there, this one scene was the only reason Jamie Madrox was even in the movie and it was a completely throwaway scene. Not only that but they actually fundamentally changed mutants powers from the original comic book and even invented new mutants with no personalities just to fill Magnetos army with nobodies and to have some nice “fx” shots. Even Kelsey Grammar’s beast character was given the short straw so Halle Berry could get some extra lines. It’s either that or someone is naive enough to think that some really geeky fanboy is gonna love to say their favorite character horribly misinterpreted on the big screen

Character work that makes no sense given the film series up to now

There’s a scene in this movie where Professor X just starts being a complete tool to Wolverine, hiding secrets and just generally being a twat, something that comes out of the blue considering up to that point he’s was a kind hearted grandfather practically. Cyclops suddenly turns from leader of the team to emotional wreck in-between movies (only to die off screen because he chose to follow X-men 2 director Bryan Singer to Warner Bros to do Superman Returns. One of the founding members of the X-men deserves better than an off-screen death) Jean Grey suddenly becomes a headcase etc. Everything about this movie was a rush job, and it shows.

These two crimes alone are enough to damn it but there’s still more.

Awful Unnecessary Set Pieces

A danger room fights where you can see the faint outline of a giant robot in the background through fog? Wolverine running through the woods while some guy tries to throw spikes at him? Every single action scene in this movie is more worried about looking good then being necessary or even having tension. The movie is all flash not much else. Even the big set piece of Magneto moving the golden gate bridge so his army can ascend on the island prison just goes on way too long that I was just thinking “Could they not just swim or fly over”

Twists so bad that the writers reverse them in the last 5 minutes of the movie

Along with the death of Cyclops two big things happened in this movie, Professor X died at the hands of Jean Grey and Magneto lost his powers. Two massive twists in the x-men storyline that don’t even last til the end of the movie. 10 minutes before the movie ends Magneto loses his powers, 5 minutes before the movie ends he’s playing chess in a park and  OH MY GOD HE STILL HAS HIS POWERS…then I ask what was the entire point of taking them “away” if you’re gonna give them back to him 5 minutes later, a twist’s for twists sake? Cause that that’s always a good idea. Then we have Charles Xavier killed halfway through the movie, in the scene at the end after the credits he’s back in someone else’s body. The undoing of these two twists within the same movie is at best a clear showing that the writers just wanted shock for shocks sake and at worst an example of the writers admitting their storytelling choices are so stupid that they want to undo them before you leave the cinema, either way it’s not a good sign.

The best thing about X-men 3? It’s not as bad as Spider-man 3 or a few other horrible movies, such as Wolverine which I think will be the next rant on the table. Coming soon to an inbox near you, unless you’d all prefer something more current?

In top right of my facebook today it tells me that it’s one of my friends birthday, if I click on their name it gives me an option to write a birthday greeting for them. Not only that but if I travel throughout the site occasionally I mean get a little box on the right hand side of the screen that actually suggests I go to their page and wish them a Happy Birthday.

That’s right, Facebook is trying to tell me what to do, and while I can resist its influence because I have enough will power to qualify as a Green Lantern, other people are not so strong. I remember back when I turned 23 my wall was attacked by about 25 people who all took it amongst themselves to take time out from their busy day to wish me a happy birthday At first I thought “Oh look people actually like me” and I was well chuffed about the situation. Then the girl I was into at the time wished me a happy birthday and I thought “Huzzah, she acknowledges I exist. That’s half the battle.” (Update on that, We’ve said about 10 words to each other since) Then it continued until an old friend I used to go to primary school with and haven’t really spoken to since wished me a Happy Birthday, someone I hadn’t spoken to in about half my life (Why did I have someone I hadn’t spoken to in 12 years on my facebook? I can hardly be rude and refuse to accept people I went to primary school with) and it became clear, these people are all saying the same thing and only because there’s a little thing on the top of right of the screen telling them to.

“Happy Birthday, hope it’s a good one”

Seems to be the phrase of choice, either that or the even more generic “Happy Birthday (insert name here) with an appropriate amount of !!!!!! after it. Suddenly it becomes clear nearly everyones just a really unoriginal bastard letting an apparent “social obligation” dicate writing a generic interchangeable line because they feel they have to wish someone a Happy Birthday. Not helped by the fact that facebook essentially tells people to wish each other a Happy Birthday (In some way you’re actually letting Mark Zuckerberg tell you what to do, think about that)

Then the odd time people will change it is when they change “good one” to “good un” as if they suddenly got a french flu going round (or even worse gud un, that doesn’t make sense even). I don’t wish people a happy birthday often but when I do I draw them a picture in paint, I find them a video I know they’d appreciate or on one occasion I wrote them a song. I don’t just use the exact same interchangeable phrase every single time because I’m not a completely unoriginal boring bastard that makes a minimal amount of effort and I don’t wish people I don’t see on a regular basis Happy Birthday because I’m not under any illusion that I have to. (Or read, I’m a complete cunt in some ways) . 

It’s possible I’m biased because I never liked birthdays, even my own. Never liked people making a big fuss over me and I always thought “Happy Birthday” translates to “Congratulations for making it another 365 days without dying.” Heck the only Birthday Parties I had after I left Primary school where the Surprise ones that my family made me have.

I’m sure you’re all dying for it to be my birthday now so you can spam my wall, well good luck working out when it is, I don’t display it on FB anymore so my wall can remain unspammed.

So to sum up: Happy Birthday Aine, rather then write Have a good one on your wall I thought I’d write a rant about how much I hate when people do that. Hope you enjoyed (and I’m sorry for calling your facebook friends unoriginal bastards)

First a flashback to a much simpler time 5 years ago, I was a 2nd year University student studying Math’s and Physics living in a sitcom like situation, I get my monthly copy of Physics World and in it there’s an article about this new show called The Big Bang Theory, I can’t remember the exact specifics of the article and I didn’t deem Physics World to be worthy of the same treatment my 1000’s of comics get so I didn’t save them once I read them but I vaguely recall it talking about how the show was about physics students and I instantly got interested, I mean a comedy about Physics students? Everyone knows the best parts in Futurama where the math/physics jokes and this would surely have a lot more where that from….

Yeah…no, sadly not.

The Audience Laughter.

I’ve enjoyed shows with audience laughter/laugh track before, though like Creator Chuck Lorre’s other “sitcom” 2.5 men this show takes the laughter to new unbelievable heights. I can only assume because there have been studies done that say that a laugh track makes the audience laugh more at a tv show because they feel they’re not laughing alone but that’s no excuse for the for the sheer intrusion it brings, I watch How I Met Your Mother and the laugh track on that isn’t anywhere near as intrusive as this. If anything the laugh track sounds like the audiences are being held at gun point and being made to laugh for their lives.

Every time I hear that laugh track and I don’t laugh it becomes a hindrance rather than a help, and that happened all too often in the first few episodes….course it doesn’t help that I don’t find the jokes funny which brings us to.

2.     The “Jokes” and “Physics Joke”

From what I seen the vast majority of the “ smart/geeky jokes” aren’t actually jokes, but just the cast name dropping something geeky like comic book/star trek/physics formula into every day conversation and I don’t see the comedy in people being nerdy, Here’s a clip I seen on youtube once.

*Scene open, Sheldon walks into the apartment*

Sheldon: “My mum just sent me my Nintendo 64”

*Laughter*

Seriously? What’s so funny about someone being sent a N64 by their mother? Is there some kind of hidden punch line there I’m not getting.  The joke even then goes on with Sheldon saying he hopes his mum sent him his memory card so he can play his saved Mario 64 game and the audience laughs again….Am I missing something? And the few times they actually have a really good joke the have they ruin it by having the audience clap to completely ruin the impact of the joke, hurrah they got a joke right, they didn’t solve world peace or do anything that deserves that degree of applause.

Then there’s the “Physics jokes” which aren’t so much physics jokes as just name dropping physics terminology, don’t match a physics jokes on the scale of Futurama with such jokes as

Professor Farnsworth: “No fair, you changed the outcome by measuring it”

Which is a joke referencing Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, don’t get it? It’s ok, there’s no laugh track after it in the show to point it out or make you feel like you’re missing out. Incidentally this was Futurama before it got uncancelled and came back as this horribly unfunny cross between Family Guy and South Park, but that’s a rant for another time.

Then of course you have the normal jokes you’ve seen 100 times before in any other situation comedy so I’m not going to go into those.

3.     The Stereotypical Portrayal of Nerds

As anyone that looks at me can tell, I’m probably one of the bigger nerds from around where I live. I’m unable to go through conversations without making some kind of cult reference, I read comics, I play video games, I have a 10 inch poseable spider-man figure in my room with over 100 points of articulation, I studied physics at university briefly and I can even recite entire verses of the Pokerap from memory (also everyone should feel free to forget that last bit) and I find how nerds are portrayed on this show to be offensive, we’re not all socially inept morons who don’t know how to talk to woman. Furthermore at times I can’t help but get the feeling that the writing is written in such a way that most of the jokes are just meant to be funny because the characters are so nerdy, haha they fight over nerd stuff, haha Sheldon has a Justice League Membership guard, in some shows you’re laughing at the characters because they’re funny, here you’re laughing at them because they’re so nerdy.

Furthermore, inaccuracies like the one above leads me to believe the writers aren’t that much like the nerds they write about, in the joke referenced above with the N64 and memory card Mario 64 saved game doesn’t make any sense because as anyone that’s ever owned Mario 64 will be able to tell you without even having to think about it: Mario 64 was saved on the cart and didn’t require a memory card. No one that’s ever owned an N64 should get that wrong, unless they put in the memory card line in it just as a joke because we all know it’s absolutely hilarious.

To me the show is written in such a way so normal people can laugh at the stereotypical nerds, or so that the people with some nerd quantities can assure themselves that “at least we’re not that nerdy.” To me, someone that proudly proclaims himself a nerd, I consider these people to be the “dark side” of nerdom, a side I’ve seen before in the past and do not want to be the defining side of nerds across the world, considering the popularity of this sitcom, it’s a losing battle. Here’s its not too bad because most people aren’t naive enough to define one person by one characteristic but if you look at how much American loves their stereotypes (Glares at Glee) I’d be afraid of moving over there in fear been unfairly painted with the nerd brush, you’d just know if I grew up in America I’d have been wedgied so many times now.

4.     The characters are not sympathetic

As I’ve said above, my experience with Big Bang Theory is quite limited to date but so far the characters just seem to have the personality of cardboard cut outs.

Sheldon – Arrogant, awkward

Leonard – Nerdy, generally all rounder

Raj – Foreign, shy

Howard – Nerdy, pervy

Penny – Attractive, not nerdy

With such 2 dimensional characters why should I care what happens in their lives, whether they get the girl or fail horribly. Just like I don’t care when characters die in horror movies because they make stupid decisions and why should I care like characters when they act like idiots that lack fully rounded personalities and they act like caricatures that are played purely for laughs? 

5.     Community does the geek thing better, doesn’t have a laugh track and is just a better sitcom

But because the American TV network are idiots, they air it opposite the Big Bang Theory which pummels it in the ratings because it’s got a more mainstream appeal, seriously, watch “Modern Warfare,” “Advanced Dungeons And Dragons” or “Epidemiology” and tell me you don’t love it. I consider each of those and about 5 other episodes to be 22 minute masterpieces of television. (That may sound like an exaggeration, but trust me its not) It does nerd jokes in the right way, subtle, not used to beat the audience over the head.

Bottom Line

I won’t lie and say the show has never made me laugh but forever time the show makes me laugh there’s at least 2 or 3 times it leaves me cold or just makes me shake my head in disbelief of how stupid it is and how utterly annoying and intrusive the laugh track is. I’m not against watching more to see why people love it so much, but so far there’s been no big pull to keep watching.

People have told me that the only reason I don’t like it is because I’m just like the characters on the show, so to prove them right, I’m currently working on an in depth analysis of a single 22 minute episode, stay tuned.

I don’t care how “hot” “Horny” or “lucky” whatever some stupid random app says you are today.

I don’t want to see some crappy word of the day or your randomized fortune for the day.

I don’t want to feed your ego by playing some stupid number game.

I will not like your status to see if there’s any chance of you considering dating me unless you’re some kind of Emma Stone look-alike.

I don’t care about X-factor (unless you mean the comic book) or Strictly.

I don’t care that such and such a celebrity has died (and in most cases I’m guessing that the people posting R.I.P don’t care either, they just think they have some kind of obligation to pretend they care).

Stop posting RIP every weekend before you go out and making me think someone’s died.

Stop liking every little funny phrase that makes you smile or something stupid like the kind of breakfast cereal you eat. (According to my facebook 14 people like eating, does that mean the other 200 odd friends are starving themselves?)

Stop clicking naughty videos and getting hacked and subsequently posting naughty videos yourself.

Facebook will never start charging for their services because they already make a bloody killing selling out your privacy so stop with all these “we refuse to pay” nonsens

Putting something has your status for an “hour”  such as “Copy and past this to show your support for cancer” doesn’t show that you support something, it shows that you’re a poser who just wants to be seen supporting something, you want to support something, go donate an hours wage or do something for charity rather than just make some kind of “copy and past this status to show your support for cancer” status to show off.

Finally I don’t care whether you’re male or female or how attractive you are for the love of god don’t and try me and add me as a friend unless we’ve had at least 1 proper conversation that we have both enjoyed because if I don’t know who on earth you are, why on earth would I want to see photo’s of you or be spammed by your status updates?

The dictionary defines lol as “Laugh out loud”

Firstly, the fact that this abomination managed to get such widespread use that it warranted admission into the dictionary is a complete disgrace.

Here’s a little challenge to everyone, every time someone writes LOL imagine they’re actually laughing out loud. I tried this for a bit and I realised that it makes everyone sound absolutely crazy for bursting out laughing 10 seconds every time I say something even slightly funny, almost as if they were a member of The Big Bang Theory live audience (Obligatory Big Bang Theory knock - done)

Furthermore people seem to laugh out loud at their own statements when there’s even the slightest bit of humour in them on a regular basis.  I mean I get it, there was funny words in what you just typed to me, let me respond with haha rather then you laugh at yourself as if you’re trying to get everyone to realise that you can actually be funny.

My point? people are not using lol for it’s intended meaning, instead using it as a abbreviation for “I acknowledge the humour in what you said but I’m not actually laughing” and if you start using words for reasons other than their literal intention you become one step closer to those absolute fuckheads that use the word “literally” completely incorrectly. (I’d do a rant on that but I’ve seen comedian David Cross do one and it’d be hard not to steal anything from it)

In recent years there seems to be a thing going where people take a word, usually an adjective, and place a website extension at the end of it. I have have a question about this practice….

Why?

I mean I can only imagine this started because someone mentioned the website “bored.com” which is an actual website of, shock horror, stuff to do while you’re bored. Then some complete cunt thought this was a new trend and said “Well you’re bored.com, I’m tired.org” and then it just spread like a STD through all the idiots in the world. What’s the point adding these extension to words? Does it make you look cool? I mean some of them aren’t even websites and some of the ones that are don’t even seem related to what the people are trying to say.

Is it just to annoy me because I’d be okay with that, at least then you’d all have a reason behind doing it.

I enjoy Star Wars. I also enjoy porn occasionally being a single man stuck in a town with very few single girls that I can stand (if any). You’d think “Star Wars XXX” directed by Axel Braun, the guy behind “Batman XXX,” a movie I maintain was better when the cast had their clothes on, would be something I’d enjoy.

I stick it on and it starts as expected the scrolling text start and I start to chuckle at some bad sex puns and I think I’ll enjoy this, it’ll be a silly light hearted way of looking at Star Wars and mocking it.

We get to the first scene and the first thing that jumps out to me is wow, this looks cheap. I mean I know porn is done on the cheap and I should expect little to no production values but even the fan made Star Wars movie looked better in places. Then the sexy storm troopers came out and I starting to smirk. Vader came in, killed someone lalala essentially I’m watching just a cheap ass star wars but thats ok to me, hell I watched that fan made Star Wars movie I can surely watch this since they’ll probably all start having sex shortly.

So we get to Vader talking to Lela and he’s angry, he wants progress on its master plan and he wants Lelas co-operation. Lela says maybe they can come to an agreement. Then it all goes south.

In something that i’m pretty sure only happens in porn, Lela then starts to play with herself. In front of Darth Vader.

Yes, Lela starts to masturbating in front of her father. This was when I started to get annoyed. I mean why is he watching this, he’s her father, why isn’t he yelling at her “stop” or sending her to a school of nuns or something. My head starts making excuses going “The Camera’s focusing entirely on Lela here, maybe Vader left the room and she’s just passing time while imprisoned by masturbating, thats entirely possible”

Sadly that was not the case as things then started to get worse, Lela proceed to go over and pleasure Vader orally and I again have to fight the urge to yell “What the fuck are you doing? STOP IT” at the screen. I mean I’m so disgusted at the image it’s takes me a while to realise “Hey, Vader shouldn’t have a black cock” but then my head makes up an explanation for that (Massive below waist burns sustained at the episode 3) and I again start to be disgusted. I mean why is this happening, who thought this would be a sexy pairing? At this point I just turned it off, I mean I don’t want to watch a movie where Princess Lela sucks off Darth Vader, I don’t ever want that in my life. 

Then it hits me, who wants to see that? Who is this film being made for? Most star wars fans should be like me right? Disgusted by the idea of Vader and Lela being intimate at all. The non-star wars fans? Why the heck would they watch a star wars porno? Wouldn’t they not just go to pornhub and click a random video to get their jollies? Who is the intended audience of this sex scene that essentially left me in a state of shock that I had to go straight to IM’s to tell everyone of this depravity I was seeing.

I’m going to find someone out there who wants to see this and then I’m going to slap them in the face for being a sicko.

Next time on Porn gone wrong: “Why is Elmo fucking Katy Perry…for that matter how is Elmo fucking Katy Perry?”